March 5, 2009 at 10:55 am (Articles, Attitudes, Family, Friends & Ministry, Godly Living, Singleness, Vignettes) (, , , , , , , , )

Posted by Abigail


I was sixteen years old when my Grandma took me driving and told me I needed to be more aggressive. Five years have passed and this weekend found me pondering her words as I navigated Kansas City to visit her. She’s eighty-two and as far back as I can remember she’s been running a hundred miles and hour serving other people. She spent most of her younger days in a cult one step removed from Mormonism, but she met the Lord not long before my birth. A short time later, she lost her husband. She’s been a widow as long as I’ve been living.

At sixteen or twenty-one, it’s easy to rush forward, hurrying toward the next thing, dreamily planning the future. Marriage, children. How many of us look beyond marriage to a time of being single again? We think of our wedding day as signifying the day in which we have finally arrived, the day when our life is fulfilled. For those newly married brides, a baby is the next thing—the completion to fulfilled life.

When that dream ends, what comes next? When the nest is empty and we’re back to sleeping in a twin bed, then what?

I watch my grandma with pride and amazement. She lives simply, but always busily. She went to a ladies Bible study at a retirement home and took cupcakes and fruit salad. I’m willing to guess that most of the ladies present were younger than she is. She’s held more dying people than I can count, pouring love and tenderness into their last days. She’s sent parts of her carefully stewarded retirement overseas for the spread of the gospel. She studies God’s word and shares it with everyone she can find. She’s helped out young mothers. She eats lunch once a week with a troubled little elementary school girl. She keeps tabs on a destitute nephew. Prays daily for her large family: some know the Lord and some don’t. Offers smiles, encouragement and even rebukes to those she comes into contact with. Shares Jesus when she can.

From the other room I heard her answer the phone when a neighbor lady, another widow, called. After a few minutes, she gently said, “I’d rather not talk about other people like that. It doesn’t really do anyone any good.”

She’s about to have her knee replaced. “That’s just what happens when you get old and your body wears out,” she shrugged. “And I have to make an appointment to get my batteries checked,” she joked about her pacemaker. No bitterness. She laughs easily, teases lovingly and trusts the Lord in everything.

I think of my grandma and I think of Paul’s requirements to Timothy for widows “indeed.” The wife of one man, a reputation for good works, brought up children, shown hospitality, served the saints, assisted those in distress and devoted herself to every good work. His greatest warning was that they be wary of becoming gossips. When he wrote to Titus he said that older women should be teachers of what is good—to the younger women.

It’s natural for young women to think and dream and plan for marriage, to strive to become godly wives and mothers, to look forward to that time. But being a godly wife and mother is not the end in itself. Being a wife and mother is not what fulfills a woman. Even a pagan can be a wife and mother. Serving the Lord, being obedient to Him, loving Him and serving His people—that’s what fulfills a woman, in whatever circumstances she finds herself.

My mind goes back two thousand years to another widow who lived her life serving the Lord. Anna, the daughter of Phanuel grew up in Israel and married, but her happily ever after ended seven years later with the death of her husband. Being a widow in Israel was especially difficult, yet Anna spent her days in the temple, serving the Lord with fasting and prayers, waiting for the Messiah. Then one day, when Anna was eighty-four, a young woman entered the temple with her husband and newborn son and Anna knew that the Lord had finally sent redemption. When I look into my grandma’s smiling eyes, I think I might know what Anna looked like.

Sisters, your whole life will be filled with someday. Someday you will likely be sixteen and driving. Someday you will likely marry. Someday you will likely have a baby. Someday your children will likely grow up and fly away. And then someday, someday you will likely be a widow. Through each someday the Lord wants you to recognize today—this is the day the Lord has made, rejoice and be glad in it.

For twenty-one years I’ve lived as a single woman on one side of marriage. For twenty-one years my grandma has lived as a single woman on the other side of marriage. The call to both of us is the same—serve the Lord.



  1. Vanessa said,

    A very good reminder of what God really wants us to be doing. The few women who choose to live this type of life experience innumerable blessings!

  2. nobody416 said,

    I really enjoyed this post Abigail! Such a great reminder that our goal in life isn’t to just get married and have children (though they are both good things) but rather to serve God. He is our fulfilment. It’s always good to be reminded of it. As a young person I have a strong tendency to look to the future and see all the opportunities there. Thanks for reminding me that serving God doesn’t wait until you are “old enough”.

    Also, Abigail (Kraft)and I were wondering, would it would be ok with you and Lauren to have you guys on our blog roll? We both appreciate your writings very much.

    God bless!

  3. Anna said,

    Thank you for the reminder! 🙂 I know that we tend to get caught up in the desire for a marriage relationship, and I think it’s important to be reminded that we should be focusing on God always.

  4. Anna said,

    Thank you for the reminder! 🙂 I know that we tend to get caught up in the desire for a marriage relationship, and I think it’s important to be reminded that we should be focusing on God always.
    Sorry… forgot to say great post – can’t wait to read your next one!

  5. Esther Zimmerman said,

    Wonderful post!

  6. Miss Jocelyn said,

    Wow Abigail what a beautiful heritage you have! My grt grandma was much like yours, but I never had the opportunity to visit her as you have. She lived in NM while I grew up in IN, but her memory of short visits and always giving glory to Jesus is something dear to me.

    You are blessed! PTL for such a godly example.

  7. Grace said,

    Thanks for posting this! I am always so encouraged when I see people living so whole-heartedly for the Lord. I want to be like that. I have so far to go, but I feel God working inside me now, shaping me into the woman I was meant to be. I hope that will always be my primary goal- to serve the Lord, rather than just setting my eyes on temporary happiness.

    Thank you again, and God bless your dear grandmother!


  8. Rebekah said,

    This is so beautiful. What an amazing tribute to a courageous woman, and how meaningful for you.

  9. Abigail said,

    Olivia, we’d love to be included in your blogroll! Feel free to check out and join ours, as well!

    I really do wish all ya’ll could me my Grandma–she’s a pretty special lady. 🙂


    Abigail @ Pearls and Diamonds

  10. Janneh said,

    Wow! Thank you for the incredible post. What a beautiful, but vital reminder! I am saving it and will use it as a tool to encourage the women I know…single, married, and widowed.
    Blessings, Janneh

  11. åslaug abigail said,

    Thanks for encouragement! Greetings in the Lord, to your granny, she’s hereby, through your words, an inspiration to me =) I just loved “I’d rather not talk about other people like that, it doesn’t really do anyone any good.” =) I’ll recite it to myself, I need that reminder.
    Blessings in the Lord, Christ Jesus!
    Love Him, Be with Him, Serve Him, LAY DOWN YOUR LIVES for Him….


  12. Debbie said,

    I love this post.. so often there is a division of sorts between christian single and christian married women. But there is something we have in common and that is the call of God on our lives– TO SERVE HIM!!! Thanks for that reminder!!

    My grandma too.. just exemplified to us what a Godly example of a wife and mother and grandma should be!! She was God fearing, discerning and the prayer warrior for our family!! If I can only be a lil’ like her, in my thoughts and actions.. Oh Lord let it be so…

    God bless ya’ll,


    PS do you know of any other single, christian women’s blog sites? there seems to be so few out there. Thanks for giving encouragement to all women!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: