Observations on the Survey

February 18, 2010 at 1:16 am (His Perspective, Love, Purity) (, , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , )

While gathering results for the Jealousy Survey, a few interesting trends stood out.  We surveyed as diverse a group of men as we could on short notice—making only one requirement: all were professing believers.  Ages ranged from something like 18 to 60, with a variety of backgrounds, including some internationals and those with multi-cultural influences.  They also represented a variety of single men, dating men, courting men, engaged men, divorced men, married men and fathers of daughters our ages.  The trends seem rather revealing, so we’re sharing them with you.

*On the issue of deep spiritual/personal conversation, many men clarified that there would be little or no issue if the conversation were a group setting instead of private.  In a similar manner, discipleship by a couple, dinner with a couple, road trips with a couple were expressed as non-issues.  Alone is the threat.  Privacy = intimacy.

*The internationals seemed to be rather lenient on the issue of light kissing.  In many other cultures a light kiss is actually a very standard greeting—about like a handshake or a hug in our culture.  In case you were wondering.

*Hugging was a complete split.  Some of the men expressed that they didn’t think they would mind their wife side-hugging a man that they fellowshipped with regularly and trusted.  A stranger?  That typically aroused jealousy.  Others would didn’t want anyone hugging their wife at all.

*The married men tended to be less jealous about hugs.  They also mentioned that they might possibly rather send their wife on a road trip with a trusted friend or older man than send her alone.  It’s possible that, having been married, they could more easily imagine exception situations.  The variation we saw in married men’s answers leads us to suggest that a married woman may actually have more “freedom” than a single woman—because of her husband’s authority and protection.  If you are married, we recommend that you seek your own husband’s guidance on each of these issues—he may be one who is not at all bothered by a hug—or he may find it absolutely improper.  You answer to the Lord first and to your husband next.

*With the chatting or talking one-on-one issues, the men responded that jealousy would be present any time a wife is communicating more with another man than with them.  Or is more excited about talking to another man.  Perhaps this suggests that “special treatment” is a husband’s special prerogative?

*It was almost amusing hearing the many explanations of what would be done or said to the other man—usually rather emotionally-charged doings or sayings.  Aimed at the other man?  Rarely were the negative emotions directed toward the wife in question.  Questions about this trend were answered, “That’s because the men ought to know better.”  It appears that men hold men mostly responsible for relationship boundaries.  This fits with scriptural patterns of men as pursuers and women as responders, as well as the passage in 1 Thessalonians 4 dealing with “not defrauding your brother.”  If men are to “take a wife” they should also be careful not to “take” what doesn’t belong to them.  To the men we suspect are lurking, we suggest that you should be carefully guarding the interests of your Christian brothers by guarding the women around you.  Paul told the Colossian Christians “Do not merely look out for your own interests, but also the interests of others.”

Our thanks goes out to the guys who participated in the survey as well as Abigail’s brother Josiah, his friend Tommy, and a couple of girl friends who helped get the survey out and answered!

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3 Comments

  1. Maiden Princess said,

    Hmmmm…very interesting!

    Pressing Into Him,
    Maiden Princess

  2. Coming Soon: Purity and the Greatest Commandment « Pearls and Diamonds said,

    […] Observations on the Survey […]

  3. The Purity Posts « Pearls and Diamonds said,

    […] Observations on the Survey […]

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