Keeping “Godly Homemaking” in Perspective
Posted by Lauren
Last night Nathaniel and I (along with Elijah) attended a Bible study where a man named Titus from Nigeria shared about what the Lord is doing in his country and the need for literacy so that people can read God’s word for themselves. It was a wonderful presentation, and a great wake-up call to consider how we can be supporting the suffering body of Christ around the world–through prayer and giving.
During Titus’s presentation, he took a small portion of time to discuss the problem of finding clean water that is an everyday reality for most rural people in Nigeria (and all over Africa). A picture popped up on the screen of a woman carrying a very large pot on her head–so that her family would have some to drink and some with which to wash clothes. This of course had an impact on my heart, realizing how incredibly blessed we are to have clean, running water, and how important it is to consider the needs of others, but it also made me think of how foolish we can be sometimes over here in the West, trying to paint an elusive picture of the perfect homemaker…of the “godly” homemaker.
The women in the picture had to walk miles for the water they needed, carrying a large pot and sometimes a little baby the whole way. This could take HOURS. Imagine if three or four hours of your day were spent walking and gathering water. Would you have time to pursue “godly” hobbies like sewing or knitting or baking cookies? Would you have the time to attend a ladies brunch and Bible study? Would you have the time to post to your blog (assuming you do not have a smart phone)? Would you have time to teach your kids Latin? Make all of your own clothing? Prepare every meal from scratch? Would you have the money to buy only organic produce (because, of course, that is the most “godly” thing to do)?
How can a Christian woman in Africa be “godly” when she cannot do all the things that many conservative Christians in the West say a “godly” homemaker should be doing?
These thoughts only added to a lesson my Father has been teaching me lately. Being a godly wife and mother isn’t about being the best housewife on the street, it’s about being godly in the role God has given me as a wife and mother. It’s not about the outward stuff, as though the kingdom of God consisted in eating and drinking…or frugal shopping or an 1800’s-like lifestyle or wearing nice clothes.
The kingdom of God is “righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit” (Rom. 14:17).
I’m afraid we can get all too consumed with outward tasks and outward adornment (modest, of course), and outward actions, that we forget about the fruit of the Spirit. That we fail to be godly because God is barely in the equation anymore.
Being godly starts with God. It starts with His work in humble hearts. Seeking Him is of far greater value than making your own bread or using cloth diapers or growing your own organic vegetable garden.
The point here is not that any of these things is wrong. The point is that they do not make you godly. Nor are you ungodly if your house doesn’t look or function just like Susie Homemaker’s. Godliness is seeking Yahweh, being empowered by the Spirit and motivated by love to obey God and joyfully serve Him in whatever life-situation or role you find yourself in. It speaks more to attitudes than to actual tasks.
So let’s revisit our Christian wife and mother in Nigeria. How can she be godly? She undoubtedly rises early to prepare food for her household. She praises God for His provision. She cares for the needs of her husband and children–her heart is grateful to God for them and compassionate towards them. She walks however long it takes to find water for her family. And along the way she is perhaps meditating on what little bit of Scripture she has access to this week. Or maybe she sings praises. Or maybe she delights in the sunshine or rain that her Father has given her that day. She lovingly nurses her infant, and shares what she knows about Jesus with other women along her path.
She may be very godly. And all you would see is a woman walking a long way to get water. And then working hard when she returned home. A woman who, at the end of the day, may have nothing more to show for all of her labor than this: she, her husband, and her children … are still alive.
(Assuming they were not attacked by Muslims that day because of their faith in Jesus–another reality of the Christian life in Nigeria).
She is godly because she is filled with the Holy Spirit of God and manifests the fruit of His work in her heart. She may not know as much as you and I about theology. She may not even be able to read the Bible for herself–only clinging to the slivers of light that came through the teaching she heard at the small gathering of believers that she attended earlier that week. But every word of God that she finds, she devours. And she trusts in Him to provide and protect, and to keep His promises.
May we consider that our Western, task-driven, formulaic, and sometimes legalistic view of what it means to be a godly woman might just crumple when held up to the light of God’s word. We are not to compare ourselves with each other or with a cultural ideal. We are to seek the Living God. May we be Spirit-filled believers who put the skills and gifts God has given us to good use in the roles that He has placed us in.
More to come on this subject…
His Perspective…On Respect
Valentine’s Day conjures up thoughts of red foil, powdered candy hearts, oozing chocolate cakes and over-the-top sentimentalism all wrapped up in a hazy misunderstanding of the word “love.” To the world, love is a feeling, coming and going on the winds of time, age, business and beauty, pronounced in words that pass away and proudly displayed through things destined to perish with the using. The disciple Jesus loved gives those of us who would understand true love a great reminder: “Little children, let us not love with word or with tongue, but in action and truth.” (1 John 3:18 ) English teachers will insist that love is an abstract noun—an idea. Scripture tells us it’s a verb. Sisters, let’s stop just using empty words to express love. Let’s really get active about loving according to the truth of scripture!
Paul, the bond-slave of the Lord, never mentioned flowers or chocolate or candlelight dinners, but he did give some excellent advice for godly love and relationships. “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church…and let the woman see to it that she respect her husband.” (From Ephesians 5:22-33–we really recommend reading the whole passage). In the literal Greek the word for “husband” is really just “man”, plain and simple, and we believe that the respect factor applies to young women under the authority of their fathers, as well. After all, what better way is there to prepare for respecting a husband, some day? Could there be a better way to prove respect for the Lord than to respect the authorities He has placed in our lives?
Some of the men who are seeking to work out this Biblical pattern graciously agreed to help us in digging up some great insights on the issue of respect. We’ve included a few prime quotes below as a sort of appetizer and we’d encourage you to take a look at what they had to say and put your love into action, guided by the truth of God’s word! Just follow the link at the bottom to visit the “Respect” page and see the whole survey! Feel free to share what you find, and don’t be afraid to ask your own men the same questions to discover what honors them and proves to them your love and respect–for God’s glory.
Are candy hearts and red roses wrong? Not at all. They are thoughtful. They are romantic. They are even pleasant. Only to call those things “love” or even “expressions of love” which never even come close to scratching the surface of the love of God, who sacrificed His Son for sinners, is to cheapen a word which should be reserved for gifts of much greater worth. This Valentine’s Day, we challenge you to give more. We challenge you to lavish your man with respect—all year long.
“Biblical respect is the humble, intelligent, joyful response of a wife to God’s placement of authority expressed by esteem for, encouragement of, and submission to her husband’s leadership.”
––Shai Linne, Philadelphia, PA
“It is possible to have a surviving relationship without respect because I could choose to love them [wife/sister/daughter] even if they refused to respect me, but to have a really healthy flourishing relationship both must fill their biblical roles.”
–Moriah Day, Altamont, KS, age 16, eldest of 10
“Leaving me would be the highest rejection of my leadership and provision. But in absence of legal separation, complete emotional and relational separation would be basically equivalent.”
–Nathaniel, Tulsa, OK, married to Lauren for 1 year, 4 months and 4 weeks 😉
“We hear much about men having a built in need for respect and similarly women having a built in need for love … as if men and women are designed by God with the frailties of tiny egos and frail emotions that need constant stroking by the other lest we suffer the consequences. This is nonsense. Respect and Love in the context of Marriage have everything to do with God given roles and authority structure. Respect and Love are what bring about God’s desire that we use our position selflessly for the benefit of our Spouse.”
–John Day, Altamont, KS married 18+ years, father of three daughters (so far)
“’Love is of God,’ I John 4:7 says. God’s love is not natural to man, as the Scripture continues: ‘everyone who loves has been born of God.’ So husbands are to love, not by human product, but by the love of God. Likewise are wives, according to Titus 2:4, to love their husbands, not by natural love, but God’s love.”
–Glenn Schreiber, Central Illinois, (very happily) married for 18.5 years, father of two daughters
“It is the ‘picture’ of Christ and His bride. The relationship for the husband is to love his wife as Christ loves the church. Sacrificial love, a love worth respecting because it is wonderful and it knows the love is acting in the best interest for the wife. How do they differ? The love is the leading action which makes the respecting enjoyable.”
–Gabe Graham, Tulsa, OK, married 5+ years, father of three daughters
“The Bible says that Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. I think this word is a great way of summarizing how a wife is to respect her husband. She treats him as someone who is very important; as someone who she means to serve and obey, and who is worthy of her service. No other person trumps him; he is the #1 person she is meant to help, to love, and to give her time and affections to. What is important to him becomes important to her, simply because he values it. This all comes out of an ultimate desire to serve her Heavenly Lord, because this is His command to her; ultimately, she is serving Him through demonstrating a giving over of her desires to the desires of her husband, and treating him as the authority God has given her.”
—John A. Moss, Morgantown, WV, married almost three years, a daughter due in April (!)
“God’s originally-stated purpose for creating mankind was to rule over the earth (Gen. 1:26). His special purpose for man was to cultivate and keep the garden (Gen. 1:26; 2:15) and for woman was for her to be a suitable helper of her husband (Genesis 2:18). It follows that she must learn to help her man. This is the major distinction between the husband and his wife’s roles–he is the leader and she is the helper. More descriptively, he is to be her loving leader and she is to be his reverent helper.”
–Lane, Rural AR, married 31 years, father of Abigail (and Lydia)
“Trust and respect can be shattered by failure to grow in grace and knowledge of the Lord Jesus.”
—Zach Welchman, Arkansas Tech University
We found the answers sometimes surprising, often enlightening, sometimes encouraging, often convicting. We’d love for you to take a look at the comments and the survey (when you can) and tell us your thoughts!
His Perspective on Respect: The Survey
Coming soon to a blog near you…
We’re excited to announce our newest project: a Pearls and Diamonds column written by men!
Sounds odd?
Let us explain. Right now we’re collecting participants and sending out e-mail surveys for a series of pertinent topics in Biblical men/women relationships–starting with respect. The goal is to get godly men talking about what the Bible says and how they personally understand/interpret or feel about it. We’ll sift through the answers and snag those that are particularly enlightening or helpful to share with you! We hope to release the results for the first survey on Valentine’s Day, February 14, 2009.
In the meanwhile, we’d love for you to spread the word! And if you know any men who value Biblical womanhood and would be willing to take a look at the surveys every 1-2 months, send us a note (pearlsanddiamondsblog[AT]gmail[DOT]com) with their e-mail address.
Blessings,
She who has ears, let her plug them!
It was a hot morning in early summer. I planned to mow the lawn that day and my dear husband, before he left for work, reminded me that I should wear earplugs to protect my hearing.
Grumble…”Why is it such a big deal to wear earplugs? I mowed my parents’ lawn for years without wearing earplugs! My dad never made me wear them.” This was not the first time we’d discussed this issue. Nathaniel had told me before that I should wear them, but I’d forgotten to do it the last time I’d worked in the yard. He patiently reminded me of the statistics, how a lawnmower was loud enough to damage your eardrum and potentially cause hearing loss as you grow older. He even showed me a chart on the internet based on scientific research. He was right! And still I grumbled on the inside.
So, an hour or so later, after Nathaniel had left for work and I had gone out to the garage to get the mower ready, I remembered that I should wear earplugs. I am a submissive wife, after all, I thought. So, with a sigh of resentful resignation, I obediently went back inside to get them.
As I mowed the lawn that day, I began to realize that I hadn’t been submissive at all. I asked myself the same question that I’d asked Nathaniel earlier: “Why is it such a big deal to wear earplugs?” I had made it a big deal by refusing to respond with joyful obedience. And when I finally did “obey”, it was only out of duty and not out of love for God or my husband. But, as is true in many cases, when we choose to obey even when our heart isn’t in it, God works in our hearts to change our attitudes. And He sure did in this situation. I had allowed my stubborn heart to rob me of joy–I’d been resentful and complaining in my heart all morning, leaving no room for rejoicing. When I let go of my foolish resentment, I began to see that my husband loved me and was looking out for me by insisting that I protect my ears. And he was patient with me when I was so mule-headed about it all! And I realized that my heavenly Father loved me enough to give me a husband as my head (and a quite wonderful one at that!) to lead me and protect me.
So what had been a spot of contention became a cause for joy and gratitude. I was humbled to realize that I am not nearly so submissive as I had imagined. I’ve taught others about what the Bible says concerning the relationship between husband and wife, and parents and children, and I thought somehow I had “mastered” submission. But none of us has truly “arrived”. I’m sure I will be growing in this area for the rest of my life!
I’m thankful to have come away from this experience with a better grasp of what it really looks like to honor the Lord by honoring my man: True submission is an attitude of the heart which results in outward respect and obedience. To think I do well by “dutifully” obeying is to miss the joy of true obedience and surrender to my God. And I will always have room for growth in this area–I’ve come to enjoy wearing earplugs to the glory of God, but who knows what other little issue will come up next to test me? It’s only a matter of time. By God’s grace, I hope to learn more quickly in the future! 🙂
Pearls and Diamonds 