The End of All Things Is At Hand
Posted by Abigail
At sweet sixteen, my Shadow and I decided to start a business, catering tea parties. We’d grown up hosting them and it was high time to cash in our experience and make our etiquette pay for itself. “Tea by Two” we called our party hosting, and drew out menus, business cards, flyers and wrote up advertisements. We collected dishes and hats, tried out recipes and bought up ingredients.
You might think I’m going to say the venture flopped.
It didn’t. It took off before we’d gotten in the cockpit! Without even advertising, we landed several parties in less than a month, with requests to go out of town for more. We turned over all our investments and pocketed a tidy little sum each. It looked like we were gearing up for a roaring business.
Then something happened.
You might think I’m going to say that the venture crashed.
It didn’t. But my Shadow came to me and said, “Um…I can’t keep up with this. I hate to do this…but can I bail before this thing is flying too high?”
I was relieved.
We were sixteen. Still trying to wrap up school and keep up with serving our families. Neither of us had our own car. Neither of us really wanted to dive into filing self-employment taxes. We didn’t really want to travel very far for parties. We were borrowing my family’s kitchen and freezer space. We really only did it for the fun of having a little side deal. And, we discovered, the pressure of performing made the tea parties not quite the same as the ones we’d hosted for friends. After a few, it was okay to put that in our file of things that we could do in the future.
Folks seemed surprised when we relegated the project to “good memories”, deposited our earnings in the bank, gave away our dishes and hats and moved on.
But sometimes we have to lay aside even good things or things that are going well and refocus on priorities.
This blog has been a bit like my catering experience.
See, Lauren and I had become such good friends and, after she and Nathaniel got married, we talked so much about women’s issues and what we were learning—and how it was really the same, married or single—that we got excited. First, we were going to write a book. But book writing was a bit more intense than we were really shooting for. That’s how we settled on a blog.
I don’t think either of us expected it to take off quite like it did. We’re nobodies. We don’t have famous dads or husbands. We’re not really a part of many of the conservative movements. We didn’t really even know there were other girls out there like us online.
Then came the dilemma. Should we actually work this blog and try to go big? After all, blogging is a platform to voice the things we think are true. We were beginning to get advertisement requests, giveaway offers, reposting requests, awards, listings and even guest writing requests. And of course, the inevitable mountains of spam as well as a few nay-sayers. As we began to look around the web at other websites, we began to understand just how seriously blogging could be taken.
Slowly we began to be a little disturbed by how many girls there were online—and how much time was spent online—and how much girls were being influenced by online teachers whom they had never even met. Including us.
We’d always agreed to keep the blog low priority. I suppose some can call it ministry, but our primary ministry will always be to our families and to the folks God has placed in our sphere of natural contact.
As time has passed, Lauren now has, not only a big man to take care of, but also a little man to train and teach in the ways of the Lord. She’s developing relationships with a great church body and trying to outreach to neighbors. She’s been fine-tuning budgeting and homemaking skills and learning to balance time. The internet can sure knock a hole in good time management! And now she’s discovered a new blessing and responsibility, due in September.
So when she told me she needed to stop blogging, it was a relief. For me, handling the webmastering had been complicated, since I’ve never actually had reliable internet. Aside from difficult, it also made me feel guilty. It seemed like, if we were going to blog, and people were going to read it, it needed to be done well. Plus, we both appreciate presentation. You know, new content, nice layout, domain name. The works. And I didn’t have time or accessibility for “the works.” For both Lauren and I, we discovered that blogging began to suck the life out of our private relationship with the Lord. If we discovered something in scripture or were convicted about an area we needed to grow in or if something rankled us or if we learned a powerful lesson or walked through a hard time, we felt compelled to share. Like we were withholding something valuable from ladies who depended on us. It became difficult just to worship humbly before the Lord, because others were watching. And we became increasingly aware that, well, neither of us really need to be putting ourselves forth as teachers right now.
We’re both young women. With lots of life to live and people to serve. And things to learn. And it’s lovely to share what God is doing and teaching us, but our priorities still have to be our families and those whom God has placed in our natural sphere of contact: those who know us and see our lives, who can encourage us and grow with us and teach us and hold us accountable to practice what we preach.
And we encourage you to make those your priorities as well.
Yes, we’re bailing before this thing is flying too high.
From Lauren:
First I’d like to apologize that this post didn’t make it up a couple of months ago. And I would cite this as just one of the many reasons I am glad to be saying good bye to blogging. I have a lot to learn about time management (among other things)! And, in truth, it was about six months ago that I first talked to my husband and then Abigail about quitting. What prompted me? Well, I read Jasmine’s good-bye post on her blog where she described the upcoming release of her new book and her excitement over all the things she would be free from and free to do once she stopped blogging. Strangely, I found myself feeling jealous—no, not of her having a book published (that had me quite excited!), but of the freedom she expressed. I took a walk and wrestled with what I was feeling and took it to the Lord in prayer. It seemed quite clear that blogging was getting in the way of the things that I really needed to focus on. And with Nathaniel and Abigail in support of the decision, I pulled away. And what a time of refreshing it has been! Since I am less focused on an audience, my God has made very, very clear what He wants to accomplish in my heart—and let me tell you, there’s a lot of work to be done! His word is indeed a mirror that shows us what we really are, and His good Spirit highlights the messes He wants to deal with, accomplishing His good purpose!
And, of course, as Abigail mentioned, finding out Nathaniel and I are having another little blessing, and being currently swamped with morning sickness, taxes, and a host of other things…I have no regrets. J Well, except for all the unfinished series and anticipated articles that never were written…but I trust you all will forgive me and rejoice in what the Lord is doing with us now. Maybe we will write a book one day. 😉 Blessings to you ladies who have joined us on this journey. Your thoughts and encouragement have been much appreciated!
From Abigail:
Friends often accused me of being content. But I declare myself innocent of the accusation! The facts are, I rarely wept the deadly tears of the unmarried simply because I had other dreams that plagued me more than marriage. Dreams that seemed undefined, but still powerful, hopelessly far from fulfillment and even, at times, irreconcilable with my convictions. Sometimes I fought with myself over whether or not they were even godly. I wrestled these dreams into a slumbering state of contentment over and over and over again. This summer they came to life with more ferocity than ever. In frustration, I cried out to the Lord, “You gave me these passions. Now what am I supposed to do with them?” Many of you have made the same demand. Some of you face the paradox of the “godly desire” that is still unfulfilled. For many, it is marriage. For some it is missions. For others it is motherhood. For some it is just more. Disatisfaction is a necessary part of growth. But of this I am certain—that desires are not godly or ungodly in themselves. Because we can worship “godly desires” by desiring them more than God. And anything that takes precedence over God is certainly ungodly. Godly desires are desires that are made to bow, yielded, to pay homage to God, to His Word and to His timing. And when they are prostrate before the King, they may be pursued, time and truth permitting, as a pursuit of Yahweh Himself. Since deciding to “exit” the blogging world, I’ve been trying to focus my pursuits. The pathway has been very up and down! And I begin to see how truly God is a God of creativity and ingenuity and that He abundantly bestows both as we make our way through a transient life. I’m thankful for the ways that He’s been shaping my character, strengthening my backbone and stretching me—whether it’s finally studying medical stuff or navigating the real-estate market or negotiating services and compensation or—as of the past week—nannying a handful of children.
Once upon a time, before there was Pearls and Diamonds, I kept a personal blog. Perhaps you will find me there.
We hope you will live your moments in light of God’s redemptive sacrifice of His Son, the Holy Spirit’s powerful filling and the eminent return of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ! To Him be the glory both now and forever, amen!
Blessings,
Um…has anyone seen Lauren or Abigail?
It’s been pretty quiet around here…and we’ll tell you why, soon. As soon as we get to it. 😉
Meanwhile, we wanted you to know that we’re not renewing our domain name…so the blog address will just go back to being plain ol’ http://www.pearlsanddiamonds.wordpress.com So you might want to update your bookmarks and links…sorry for the inconvenience!
And the Three Weavers–we still hope to finish it. Really and truly. It just got stuck in final phases and…well…the director has been very busy. We’ll let you know when (if) it finally gets finished.
Meanwhile, seek Yahweh while He may be found.
Blessings,
Lauren and Abigail
Keeping “Godly Homemaking” in Perspective
Posted by Lauren
Last night Nathaniel and I (along with Elijah) attended a Bible study where a man named Titus from Nigeria shared about what the Lord is doing in his country and the need for literacy so that people can read God’s word for themselves. It was a wonderful presentation, and a great wake-up call to consider how we can be supporting the suffering body of Christ around the world–through prayer and giving.
During Titus’s presentation, he took a small portion of time to discuss the problem of finding clean water that is an everyday reality for most rural people in Nigeria (and all over Africa). A picture popped up on the screen of a woman carrying a very large pot on her head–so that her family would have some to drink and some with which to wash clothes. This of course had an impact on my heart, realizing how incredibly blessed we are to have clean, running water, and how important it is to consider the needs of others, but it also made me think of how foolish we can be sometimes over here in the West, trying to paint an elusive picture of the perfect homemaker…of the “godly” homemaker.
The women in the picture had to walk miles for the water they needed, carrying a large pot and sometimes a little baby the whole way. This could take HOURS. Imagine if three or four hours of your day were spent walking and gathering water. Would you have time to pursue “godly” hobbies like sewing or knitting or baking cookies? Would you have the time to attend a ladies brunch and Bible study? Would you have the time to post to your blog (assuming you do not have a smart phone)? Would you have time to teach your kids Latin? Make all of your own clothing? Prepare every meal from scratch? Would you have the money to buy only organic produce (because, of course, that is the most “godly” thing to do)?
How can a Christian woman in Africa be “godly” when she cannot do all the things that many conservative Christians in the West say a “godly” homemaker should be doing?
These thoughts only added to a lesson my Father has been teaching me lately. Being a godly wife and mother isn’t about being the best housewife on the street, it’s about being godly in the role God has given me as a wife and mother. It’s not about the outward stuff, as though the kingdom of God consisted in eating and drinking…or frugal shopping or an 1800’s-like lifestyle or wearing nice clothes.
The kingdom of God is “righteousness and peace and joy in the Holy Spirit” (Rom. 14:17).
I’m afraid we can get all too consumed with outward tasks and outward adornment (modest, of course), and outward actions, that we forget about the fruit of the Spirit. That we fail to be godly because God is barely in the equation anymore.
Being godly starts with God. It starts with His work in humble hearts. Seeking Him is of far greater value than making your own bread or using cloth diapers or growing your own organic vegetable garden.
The point here is not that any of these things is wrong. The point is that they do not make you godly. Nor are you ungodly if your house doesn’t look or function just like Susie Homemaker’s. Godliness is seeking Yahweh, being empowered by the Spirit and motivated by love to obey God and joyfully serve Him in whatever life-situation or role you find yourself in. It speaks more to attitudes than to actual tasks.
So let’s revisit our Christian wife and mother in Nigeria. How can she be godly? She undoubtedly rises early to prepare food for her household. She praises God for His provision. She cares for the needs of her husband and children–her heart is grateful to God for them and compassionate towards them. She walks however long it takes to find water for her family. And along the way she is perhaps meditating on what little bit of Scripture she has access to this week. Or maybe she sings praises. Or maybe she delights in the sunshine or rain that her Father has given her that day. She lovingly nurses her infant, and shares what she knows about Jesus with other women along her path.
She may be very godly. And all you would see is a woman walking a long way to get water. And then working hard when she returned home. A woman who, at the end of the day, may have nothing more to show for all of her labor than this: she, her husband, and her children … are still alive.
(Assuming they were not attacked by Muslims that day because of their faith in Jesus–another reality of the Christian life in Nigeria).
She is godly because she is filled with the Holy Spirit of God and manifests the fruit of His work in her heart. She may not know as much as you and I about theology. She may not even be able to read the Bible for herself–only clinging to the slivers of light that came through the teaching she heard at the small gathering of believers that she attended earlier that week. But every word of God that she finds, she devours. And she trusts in Him to provide and protect, and to keep His promises.
May we consider that our Western, task-driven, formulaic, and sometimes legalistic view of what it means to be a godly woman might just crumple when held up to the light of God’s word. We are not to compare ourselves with each other or with a cultural ideal. We are to seek the Living God. May we be Spirit-filled believers who put the skills and gifts God has given us to good use in the roles that He has placed us in.
More to come on this subject…
Systematic Theology on a Cross?
Chew on this…
I once tried to explain “systematic theology” to a Russian pastor of the Underground Church, who had never seen a whole New Testament. Systematically, I began to explain to him the teaching about the Godhead, about its unity in three Persons, the teaching about original sin, about the Fall, about salvation, about the Church, about the sacraments, about the Bible as infallible revelation.
He listened attentively. When I had finished, he asked me a most surprising question: “Have those who thought out these theological systems and wrote them down in such perfect order ever carried a cross?” He went on. “A man cannot think systematically even when he has a bad toothache. How can a man who is carrying a cross think systematically? But a Christian has to be more than the bearer of a heavy cross: he shares Christ’s crucifixion. The pains of Christ are his, and the pains of all creation. There is no grief and no suffering in the whole world which should not grieve him also. If a man is crucified with Christ, how can he think systematically? Can there be that kind of thought on a cross?
“Jesus Himself thought unsystematically on the cross. He began with forgiveness; He spoke of a paradise in which even a robber had a place; then He despaired that perhaps there might be no place in paradise even for Him, the Son of God. He felt Himself forsaken. His thirst was so unbearable that He asked for water. Then He surrendered His spirit into His Father’s hand. But there followed no serenity, only a loud cry. Thank you for what you have been trying to teach me. I have the impression that you were only repeating, without much conviction, what others have taught you.”
~Richard Wurmbrand, 1909-2001, founder of VOM, “With God in Solitary Confinement
…and tell us what you think.
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Observations on the Survey
While gathering results for the Jealousy Survey, a few interesting trends stood out. We surveyed as diverse a group of men as we could on short notice—making only one requirement: all were professing believers. Ages ranged from something like 18 to 60, with a variety of backgrounds, including some internationals and those with multi-cultural influences. They also represented a variety of single men, dating men, courting men, engaged men, divorced men, married men and fathers of daughters our ages. The trends seem rather revealing, so we’re sharing them with you.
*On the issue of deep spiritual/personal conversation, many men clarified that there would be little or no issue if the conversation were a group setting instead of private. In a similar manner, discipleship by a couple, dinner with a couple, road trips with a couple were expressed as non-issues. Alone is the threat. Privacy = intimacy.
*The internationals seemed to be rather lenient on the issue of light kissing. In many other cultures a light kiss is actually a very standard greeting—about like a handshake or a hug in our culture. In case you were wondering.
*Hugging was a complete split. Some of the men expressed that they didn’t think they would mind their wife side-hugging a man that they fellowshipped with regularly and trusted. A stranger? That typically aroused jealousy. Others would didn’t want anyone hugging their wife at all.
*The married men tended to be less jealous about hugs. They also mentioned that they might possibly rather send their wife on a road trip with a trusted friend or older man than send her alone. It’s possible that, having been married, they could more easily imagine exception situations. The variation we saw in married men’s answers leads us to suggest that a married woman may actually have more “freedom” than a single woman—because of her husband’s authority and protection. If you are married, we recommend that you seek your own husband’s guidance on each of these issues—he may be one who is not at all bothered by a hug—or he may find it absolutely improper. You answer to the Lord first and to your husband next.
*With the chatting or talking one-on-one issues, the men responded that jealousy would be present any time a wife is communicating more with another man than with them. Or is more excited about talking to another man. Perhaps this suggests that “special treatment” is a husband’s special prerogative?
*It was almost amusing hearing the many explanations of what would be done or said to the other man—usually rather emotionally-charged doings or sayings. Aimed at the other man? Rarely were the negative emotions directed toward the wife in question. Questions about this trend were answered, “That’s because the men ought to know better.” It appears that men hold men mostly responsible for relationship boundaries. This fits with scriptural patterns of men as pursuers and women as responders, as well as the passage in 1 Thessalonians 4 dealing with “not defrauding your brother.” If men are to “take a wife” they should also be careful not to “take” what doesn’t belong to them. To the men we suspect are lurking, we suggest that you should be carefully guarding the interests of your Christian brothers by guarding the women around you. Paul told the Colossian Christians “Do not merely look out for your own interests, but also the interests of others.”
Our thanks goes out to the guys who participated in the survey as well as Abigail’s brother Josiah, his friend Tommy, and a couple of girl friends who helped get the survey out and answered!
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What Makes a Husband Jealous?
“You shall love Yahweh your God with all your heart, soul and mind,” Yahweh charged Israel in His greatest commandment, but the hearts of the people turned away to foreign gods and their minds strayed to sin and self. “You have committed adultery against Me,” Yahweh warned. “I am a jealous God.” Through the prophet Ezekiel, Yahweh graphically described Israel’s adultery, painting a revolting picture of lewdness and impurity.
To the church of Corinth, Paul wrote as God’s emissary, “I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy; for I betrothed you to one husband, that to Christ I might present you as a pure virgin.” (2 Corinthians 11:2)
The adultery Yahweh charged Israel with was in giving to another god what rightly belonged to Him—heart, soul and mind in worship. Paul’s jealous guard over the purity of the bride of Christ was to preserve their minds in the purity and simplicity of devotion to Christ. Devotion–the minds of believers rightly belong to Christ. We tend to think of jealousy as an evil, but Paul speaks of a godly jealousy. God’s jealousy was over what rightly belonged to Him. Paul was jealous on behalf of Christ, over what rightly belonged to Him.
As I worked over the post dealing with God’s Will: Your Sanctification, I came head to head with the issue of defrauding—cheating, taking what rightly belongs to another. With the words “The Lord is the avenger,” I was reminded of the jealous husband’s test in Numbers 5—and the curse upon the woman who had “gone astray into uncleanness.” As I pondered, I began to wonder what would be rightly considered a husband’s? Paul makes it clear in 1 Corinthians 7 that the wife’s body belongs to her husband, and his body belongs to her. Wouldn’t it be godly then for a husband and wife to be jealous over each other’s bodies? What else might they be jealous over? Each other’s emotions? Devotion? Time? Affection? Attention? I’d often considered purity in relationships, but I’d never before thought of it in terms of what would make a husband jealous. The traditional wedding vows proclaim to “forsake all others, clinging only to you.” I began to consider the implications of Paul’s words to the churches of his day regarding purity and marriage. Marriage should not be sought in lustful passion, as the pagans, but in set-apartness and honor. He warned us not to go beyond and defraud—because God is the avenger. This warning suggests that, even if no one else ever knows that we have “cheated”—gone beyond what was rightly ours—God knows and we will reap the consequences in our lives and hearts.
Ladies, what I’m proposing is that we carefully consider what rightfully belongs to God as the first step in purity. “Love Yahweh your God with all your heart, soul and mind. Worship and serve Yahweh only.” And we carefully guard and preserve that for Yahweh only. That we consider what rightfully belongs to those around us. “Love your neighbor as yourself.” A sacrificial love, based on Christ’s love for us, offered without thought of gain. This, too, is worship of God. And, in purity, that we consider what rightfully belongs only to a husband. Even if we never marry, there are some things that no one is authorized to claim outside of a marriage covenant. I propose that we jealously protect and preserve this until such a time as, covenanted in marriage, we can freely and purely pour it out in worship to God. God is the avenger, because our purity is an integral part of our worship of Him.
These thoughts in mind, Lauren and I constructed a survey to try and help us understand what things would make a husband jealous. We created a series of hypothetical questions, based on many of the debates/teachings we’d heard regarding “purity” boundaries, placed those situations into a marriage scenario and surveyed 50 men from very different backgrounds and denominations–single men, dating men, courting men, engaged men, married men and men with daughters our ages—without giving an explanation for our questions. We wanted unbiased feelings from a range of perspectives. We reasoned that those things which provoked jealousy in a husband are likely to be good indicators of what rightly belongs to a husband only—and therefore what we should be jealously guarding from any man to whom we are not married.
We’ll admit that we were surprised by the clarity the results seemed to cast on “grey areas.” We’re talking about activities that many youth pastors would advocate as still “chaste” and would leave a “True Love Waits” pledge unbroken. Many of the men expressed that they were deeply disturbed in considering their wife engaging in many of these activities—few thought “jealous” even covered their feelings on the topic. God used graphic word-imagery to express Israel’s adultery–to inspire our horror and disgust. We’ve tried to be as discreet as possible in dealing with these issues, but this is a serious affair. Impurity should provoke our horror and disgust. We’re sharing the results with you and we encourage you to consider carefully guarding what these men express as provoking jealousy. In the areas that are expressed as depending on circumstances, prayerfully, carefully let your actions be guarded by love—focus on the Lord first and what will bring Him glory and then pursue sacrificial love toward your neighbor–what will cause them to focus on the Lord. The excellent wife does her husband good and not evil all the days of her life, and his heart trusts in her.
See the survey results here:
What Makes a Husband Jealous: The Survey
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And Who Are You?
Our stats reveal to us many interesting things:
Popular searches for our blog include all things itchy (due to Lauren’s pemphigoid), the simple word “pretty” (any explanation?), and questions about waiting for a godly husband (What Are You Waiting For?), rebellion (The Root of Rebellion), modesty (Situational modesty) and Elijah’s depression (The Elijah Syndrome). Thankfully they’ve left off on the “Lauren is beautiful…I want to marry Lauren” vein.
Our top referring site is the Young Ladies Christian Fellowship–due to Lauren and Nathaniel’s betrothal story.
We receive close to a hundred hits a day (more if we post a hot topic…)
And…
Our two most popular posts ever are the pages “The Lauren and Nathaniel Story” and “About Lauren and Abigail.”
Which means that we’ve got some lurkers who know plenty about us…and we’d like the chance to meet you. 🙂
Don’t be shy! Just step up and leave us a comment telling us your name (or a nickname), your blog address (if you have one), how you found us/how long you’ve been visiting and a favorite book…or something else about yourself! Are you married or single? Christian or something else? Do you prefer tuna or spam? Feel free to make it long or short!
Looking forward to meeting you!
New Year, New Things
Happy New Year, Ladies!
We look back on the past year and are blown away by the grace of the Lord on our lives. So many changes! So much to be thankful for! We’re excited to see what the new year holds.
For the blog, we hope it holds some changes, as well. We’ve wondered some about the reality of trying to run a blog and keep up with our home lives but, Lord willing, we will keep blogging for a while yet. And here’s some of what we hope to get going this year:
We now have a domain name! You can point all your friends to us at our new home www.pearlsanddiamondsblog.com And for those of you with links saved, don’t worry—the WordPress address will still land you here.
We’re planning a blog makeover—hopefully this month, so bear with us as we slowly try to redesign and redecorate. If you have any HTML or CSS shortcuts or tricks, we’d love to hear them!
We’ll be including interviews from women we know who are trying to live lifestyles of obedient worship. We’re pretty excited about some of the diversity among the godly ladies we know, and we’d love to share with you how the Lord works in the lives of other women, always creatively, always uniquely, always for His glory. You can expect the first installment next week!
We’re planning to add a page with a bit of clarity on our beliefs. As always, feel free to ask us about anything!
We also hope to get our series on Finding God’s Will rolling—and we’d love to have some interaction as we try to put what we learn into action. We want to know how you’re working out God’s will in your own lives! After all, what difference does it make?
And the big news for February is that, if everything goes as planned, we’ll be hosting “Purity and the Greatest Commandment”—a month focused on Purity. The goal is a new post every day (which will be pretty impressive for us.) We’ll be including several articles, our personal testimonies as well as the experiences of some godly women we know. And we’ll incorporate some entirely new content—anyone up for an audio drama? We’d also love to hear from you, so start now by sharing your own personal purity convictions and how you came to them on your own blog, and toward the end of February we’ll have a linking party to exchange stories! We’re also planning to wrap the whole month up with a giveaway—of a purity ring. We’ll get some more details up soon, and provide you with a bumper sticker in case you want to help spread the word. And if you know of any excellent purity articles, books or blogs that deserve to be spotlighted, send us an e-mail (pearlsanddiamondsblog@gmail.com) and let us know!
Looking forward to worshiping and growing with you in 2010!
Blessings,
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Pearls and Diamonds 